Dorky Delores

I meant to post this entry a while back, but the HTML got messed up. It's still not perfect, but it's good enough.

I received a lot of positive responses for the following ad. Oddly enough, the ad also seemed to attract a ton of older (over 35) men. Posted November 24, 2007.



The Ad

High risks can equal high returns, right?

I'm risking meeting creeps and weirdos by posting an ad. Anyway, I'm a Yankee by birth, a Texan by choice. I was the high school dork who turned semi-cool (though coolness is subjective) in college, though I still embrace part of my dorkiness (and have managed to learn how to wash my hair, dress in better clothes, and choose glasses that don't cover half my face). I read a lot, and I bake really good cookies. I like having a good time, whether that involves playing miniature golf at Peter Pan's, debating whether a coconut is a fruit or a nut at a coffee shop, cheering on my alma mater's football team at Ringers, dressing up and going to an art gallery opening, or drinking beer at the diviest bar I can find.

As for what I'm looking for, please be part of F in the below chart that I just made. Intelligence, humor, education, and under the age of 30 are positives.

The Responses

1. did you free hand that? daaaaaaaang... i'm 39.. 5'11.athletic/average build. fun... sweet, bright. alone in my new apartment... i should put sheets on my bed at some point... huh?

[As if the fact that the guy's 39 isn't bad enough, he doesn't have sheets on his bed. Bad, bad sign.]

2. thats some hell of a chart, well i might fit into more or less a few catagories, but i'm not a creep and thats a plus isn't it? i am 34 though, but not in an old way. i act 12 if thats appealing in any way... lol

[What's with all these old guys who like to mention they they neither look nor act their age? Is that supposed to be a good thing? Isn't every girl's dream an older man who acts like a pre-teen?]

3. I am 34...and I read your ad and was hoping you would be close to myage or open to the idea of a guy who is 34. Funny thing is that yousound like the kind of girl I was always interested in while in high school. The damnedest thing about that is that I was the dorky, nerdy kid that no one wanted to be seen with. Gotta love it. Cookie baker....sigh.. what are we to do? I am stuck at 34 and feel like I am25. Age is a real bitch and, alas, time stands still for no one. I do take exception to the grouping of guys in their 30s with pervs thatyou had listed on your chart...but it was still funny. I should warn you, men that you had in the F section that you label as eligible may seem like it but just be careful with your heart. Peace and good luckto you and thanks for the smile....

[Sincere. I'll give him that. *Sigh* No guys were EVER interested in me in high school, either. But once again, older guy who wants to appear younger.]

4. The Visual Aid was FANTASTIC...
LOL
!!!
:)
&

:)x2

[I thought the diagram was good, too.]

5. Hi, I don't think we'd make a great match, but I want you to know that your Ven Diagram was hilarious. Hard to read, but hilarious.

[Aw, for real? We're not a match? I'm heartbroken.]

6. The chances of meeting a man from the F category are REALLY low! Yet, you try anyway. I applaud your optimism, in fact, I like it considering I am myself an optimist. For guys who write these, within the F-category, the chances of finding a real woman worth meeting are even lower. So, let just say we're both out on a limb here, so why not keep each other company.

[And here I thought there were tons of other eligible fish in the sea. Darn.]

7. Your loos don't appeal to me. Why are you so shallow that you cannot post a pictuyre of yourself.

[Seriously? Me? Shallow for not attaching a picture of myself to a personal ad for the whole world to see?]

8. So i saw your chart and i started laughing for about thirty seconds, which believe it or not is a heck of a long time to laugh. i thought it was hilarious, so i figured you deserved the credit for creating such a masterpiece.

[Yay for appreciation!]

9. my turn
A: girls on craigslist
B: have a kid(s)
C: multiple divorces
D: old enough to be my mother
E: dropped out of highschool
F: no integrity
Y: ou?

[Guess guys can have it tough, too.]

10. I haven't seen a chart like that in YEARS, and you used it so hilariously. It almost seems official, yet not. Good job!

[That's exactly what I was going for!]

11. On your chart there should be an H within the F labeled "Totally Awesome Eligible Man," otherwise I would just blend in with all the other Fs.

[Ha, that's kind of funny in a sort of cute way.]

12. i loved your ad. i laughed a little piggy snort at your graph, partly because you took the time to make a graph and partly because its eerily accurate. i think if nothing else we would get along famously.

[The guy's young and cute, but unfortunately, divorced and has a kid. I'm not ready for any of that.]

13. love the chart! I'm certainly an "F", but I'm afraid I'm also a "C" dammit...(I'm 45),guess that knocks me out... You're way too clever to be a dork anyway.....best wishes in your search.

p.s. Although, who knew a dork was really a whale penis? Would be kind of cool to be packing a whale penis, but not very practical. (unless you were trying to pick up girl whales)

[I thought this was hilarious. But 45?! I don't want to date anyone old enough to be my father!]

14. how old are you ( i am 28)and what web site are you going to try to have me sign up at

[Some of these people are so wary about spammers. Probably with good reason, though.]

15. are you in finance?

[Nope. Couldn't handle all of the boring present and future value calculations.]

16. Oh man, I love the chart. You should try posting as a male, it's a totally different chart, at least for me. Maybe like, 66% spam and then 33% alright girls. (of the alright girls, half you want to follow-up with, the other half, no way). But no weird pix, no really mismatched ages, etc.. Thing is, I'd only get like 3 e-mails for every CL m4w I posted. So a 50-50 chance I'll have someone I can actually respond back to.

[I think I average at least 50 responses per post. Most of the time, I seem to get around 70-80. It's mostly quantity rather than quality, though.]

17. High risk can be mitigated by multiple low risk, steady return ventures to maintain portfolio stability until the desired high risk return opportunity is realized.Of course, that particular analogy does not bode well when applied to relationships

[Right. Yay for people dorkier than I, though!]

18. lmfao...that was a very clever chart. i normally go after older women, but if you are that smart (plus i dig glasses) i figure there is a good chance that we will get along. its hard to find real ppl through CL, mainly because there a lots of spammers that flag real ppl so their spam adds get more hits. i usually just read the adds for a good laugh, but the inclusion you ungenious chart made me want to know more about your cynical side ;-) so i figured i'd see if you are real.

[I may be "ungenious," but I definitely don't have the maturity of an older woman. I'm real, though.]

19. Liked the post. The Venn Diagram was pretty spot-on, I'd say. I bet you still got a couple cock-pics out of spite though, huh?

The coconut dilemma: I'm leaning towards fruit, but I could be swayed with the right arguments I suppose. Maybe I'm a coconut agnostic. Make me a believer.

[Surprisingly, no bad pics this time around.]

20. I read your ad and got a pretty good kick out of it. It is awesomethat you are able to be a little more creative than a lot of those chics, and I can only wonder why you haven't managed to land anyone yet.

[I wonder the same thing sometimes. :( ]

21. Venn diagrams are hot.
I'm definitely in G ^ !(A U E U B U C U D U G), and I hope I'm in F.

[Guys who knew that was a Venn diagram are hot!]

22. I'm 24, 5'9", 185, originally from Boston, ended up in Austin for worka bit ago. Your CL ad was pretty well-rounded: honest, a bit goofy,and with a healthy dose of paranoia. If you are still looking to meetnew people, let me know.

[Haha, I have a "healthy dose of paranoia." I like that.]

23. Love the diagram. Hilarious. I don't normally do the whole blind email thing very well, but for that I'll make the effort. I'll even assume you're not a bot. Hopefully I won't get lost among the creeps and weirdos who respond anyway...I remain very much a geek, though I'm also shifting in style and glasses/face ratio. It's very exciting.

[Cute.]

24. I saw you on craigslist. a coconut is an ice cream cone flavor at Amy's

[Haha. I want Amy's ice-cream now.]

Lessons Learned

1. Many older men haven't come to terms with their ages.

2. Dorky ads attract dorky people.

3. Older men seem to appreciate women who appear to be intelligent. But what about younger men? Are twenty-something men still looking for blonde hair and big boobs?

4. I have a "healthy dose of paranoia."