Baker Bailey

I went through a week of unemployment in Austin right after the holidays. All I did was go running and bake cookies. I thought I was going to go crazy due to boredom. Therefore, I posted an ad in the Strictly Platonic section. For whatever reason, stupid Craigslisters decided to flag my post after a day or so. I still received quite a few responses, though. Oh yeah, and I've long given up on running a half-marathon. Maybe a 5K. Anyway, the following was posted on January 4, 2008.

The Ad

I'll give you cookies!

I'm looking for people to help relieve me of boredom during my current brief period of unemployment. Unfortunately, my friends are all gainfully employed with their 8-5 or 9-6 jobs. Seriously, I need entertainment. Daytime TV doesn't cut it, especially since I don't have cable. I am limited to The Price is Right, Dr. Phil, and Jerry Springer. I've been spending the rest of my time training for a half-marathon (I guess you could say that's my New Years resolution) and baking cookies. Tons of cookies. Yesterday, my production rate was five dozen toffee expresso chocolate chip cookies. Before those were snickerdoodles. Then chocolate spritzes because I'd just gotten a cookie press. Then spiced sugar cookies. Who knows what I'll make today out of boredom? Vanilla orange cookies? Lemon icebox cookies? Peppermint meringues? I don't eat many cookies because I am, after all, trying to get fit and run a half-marathon. I just like baking cookies. Things might get weird if I keep insisting that my roommate take cookies into work with him. Actually, he'll probably just get annoyed and/or make fun of me profusely. Therefore, if you're an interesting twenty-something interested in cookies and friendship with a 23-year-old, college-educated, semi-intelligent baker, please e-mail me.

The Responses

1. I'm 352 lbs, I like cookies. Cookies are good. I will eat your cookies, and when I'm done I will move on and eat you for dinner too. I will turn you into stew.

[Um, right. That was kind of stupid.]

2. Hi! I saw your ad and I know several people who love cookies and they all work with me. Rather than haveyour roommate take them to work (and annoy him), giveme a call and I'll come by and pick them up and bring them to my office. :)

[You know, if people offered to pay, I'd totally start my own cookie business.]

3. I bet you have not got this offer yet but i will hook up your cable, but you have to live in apartment. should make your day a little more interesting.

[Really?! Random!]

4. I have no idea why im answering this, but you want to give people cookies? you need friends, huh? do you have myspace dear?

[I have friends. I believe I mentioned that they have full-time jobs.]

5. Nice CL post. Far be it for me to pass up an offer for free cookies and a cool new friend! I know what it's like having daytime boredom, I was unemployed this time last year. Thankfully I had the assistance of a little Guitar Hero to get me through all the bad episodes of Jerry Springer and "Judge something-or-other".

[If only I'd had Guitar Hero to get me through my boredom!!]

6. I've always wanted to be a cookie connoisseur like you sound to be. My problem is that I like chocolate chip way too much. I'm scared to try anything different. Show me the light, please. My roommate's idea of changing things up is bringing home sugar cookies. Ugh, those things are disgusting!

[I will be happy to turn anyone cool into a cookie connoisseur.]

7. I was think to myself what am I missing in my life and the resounding answer was cookies. Sadly I'm employed but you can never have too many friends or too many cookies.

[Very true. You can never have too many friends or too many cookies! Especially cookies that freeze well. Friends, too. Might as well test out cryopreservation technology on them if they die on you.]

Lessons Learned

1. Lots of people love cookies, but not everyone. Cookie haters flag cookie posts.

2. Getting to a man's heart by way of his stomach could work.

3. Platonic ads receive less responses than many Women Seeking Men ads. I knew that already, though.

4. Want pirated cable TV service? People on Craigslist can help you with that.