Introduction and Hydrophobic Heather

Introduction

I'm an aspiring sociologist and wannabe writer. Since I appear to be perpetually single, I decided to use the personals section of craigslist.org as my medium of choice. It's a great community in which I can research and write (and possibly meet interesting people). This blog will document some of my personal ads as well as some of the better responses I received from those ads and lessons I have learned.

I started writing personal ads around November 2006 because I was new to Austin and wanted to meet new people. Since then, I've written probably a couple dozen ads--some serious, some obscure, some generic, some outlandish. Some were written with friends, and others were written by myself. Since I feel guilty leading people on, most of the ads do have at least a hint of the truth. The other ads are obviously fake. And yes, I've met a few of the people who have answered my ads.

Let's start with an outlandish ad, posted in the Austin section on April 13, 2007.

The Ad: Hydrophobic Heather

Beautiful and Eccentric

I'm 24, college educated, and successful. My hobbies include photography, piano, and poetry. I love wildflowers, live music, and martinis. I'm looking for a man between 24 and 35. You must be smart and funny. A college degree is a plus.

There is one catch. I have recently developed a fear of water. I'm deathly afraid of it. I haven't been able to bathe in the past 6 months, so body odor can't be too much of a problem for you. I can't go across bridges. I can't be anywhere near a large body of water. All I drink is Diet Dr. Pepper and Gatorade because I can't drink water. I'm also terrified of the rain. *

*We found a picture of a random pretty girl on Google and attached her picture.

The Responses

1. how bad is the b.o.? is it like a bag of chili cheese fritos left in the heat, or is it more like socks left in a gym bag for a month? so i guess we couldnt watch the movie open water together?

2. I think your kind of strange but hot. I hope your kidding about thewater thing because I think we have a lot in common. I too a, successfuland good looking.

3. Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. Something tells me that you're probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys saying things like "Hi, I'm freshly divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids... but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job..." etc.In any event, I'm 33, have my life together, and I'm more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you'd better like to laugh. You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let's get together for a cup of something delicious and some interesting conversation... if you think you can handle it, that is!

4. you are eccentric!! what kind of human does not bathe for 6 months?

5. Why would someone as cute as you be afraid of the water?

6. How do you go to the bathroom? Clearly there is a pool of water sitting within feet of where you are reading this. Terrifying! How do you... deal with that situation?

7. Well there girlie...its gonna rain tonight...do you need some company?

8. My name is *****. I am 37, 5'8", andweigh about 175. I bike and hike so I am in prettygood shape but no six pack abs. I am highly educatedand well traveled. I have even been to the North Pole.You won't be disappointed. Interested? Please replywith a pic. thanks
p.s. I look and act much younger than I am.

9. Minor details……does that fear extend to saliva and urine?

10. How do you brush your teeth? You could bathe in Gatorade…I would suggest lemon lime or mountain rush...

Lessons Learned:

1. As long as you're hot, nobody cares how eccentric you are.

2. Outlandish posts get flagged and deleted within hours.

3. Some people don't get satire.