I thought I'd try the opposite of the norm while posting this ad. Instead of writing mostly positive traits, I wrote mostly negative ones. This was posted on June 22, 2007.
The Ad
The Truth
I don't know what I want. I don't really know who I am or where I'm going. I'm not particularly goal-oriented. I dislike letting myself hope because I fear disappointment. I often feel extremely ordinary. I appear to be emotionally unavailable, but I'm really not. I just don't often express emotion to strangers and acquaintances. I overanalyze everything. I'm materialistic. Drama seems to pursue me, though I dislike drama. I'm often stressed out. I seem to be having bad luck lately. I can be impatient. I'm kind of poor. I should be more assertive. I'm indecisive. I'm not completely original. I can be oversensitive. I can be shallow. I can also be immature.
I know that's not the way to catch your attention, but I don't expect to keep your attention. Personal ads are often about putting yourself in the best (sometimes false, artificial) light. What's the point in building up someone's expectations, only to have them unmet? I'm truthful and I pointed out my flaws, though you may find even more flaws. I know I'm far from perfect.
On the other hand, I'm educated and somewhat intelligent. I'm compassionate. I'm inquisitive. I'm kind and sincere. I don't think I'm completely hideous. I'm not as pessimistic as this post may imply. I'm also laughing as I'm writing all this. Therefore, this was meant to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek and not completely self-deprecating.
I don't know why you would want to reply. However, if you do feel compelled to reply, I'd prefer you to be intelligent, over the age of 21, and under the age of 30.
The Responses
1. I'm tall, 6'3", capable of more than a modicum of passionate appreciation,and I cannot stand cereal for breakfast. I don't ride the bus, and I cancook a helluva sausage & biscuit plate. I'm 27, 28 in a month, and if thatpic is really you, I'll send you one of me.
[I didn't post a pic!]
2. Sweetie
You sound like you're suffering from clinical depression. I know what it sounds like as I have it. Look up MHMR in the phone book and get some free help and meds.
J
[Seriously?]
3. Your post made me think that perhaps, having too much in common with someone, might not necessarily be a good thing. What do I know about compatibility though. What I do know is that apparently, reverse psychology works on me.
4. WOW, very honest post. I think almost all people are like this, but just dont mention it in their ads, you just took a different route :P
[Exactly what I was going for.]
5. It's nice to see somebody not trying to type themselves up and be somebody they aren't. But I do thinkit's best that we know who we are before involvingsomebody else. As another person can influence one'sdecisions and therefore there's a possibility of neverfinding yourself.
6. I think if I were going to make a personal ad that would have to be almost a carbon copy of such a thing!!! I loved it!
7. i think we could help each ohter.i share all the same intrestes you posted i also need a friend or(maby more tham just a friend but thats not y i responeded) to help methrough these times, some one to talk to would do wonders fopr usboth.
8. Your craigslist ad sounds a lot like how I feel. As pathedic as it sounds, I am reading craigslist ads trying to find somebody to talk to, which indicates I'm either 400 pounds or make bad life decisions. I guess I make bad decisions. I'm 24, white. I'm the proud father of two beautiful little girls...
[24 with two kids?! Yikes. I'm 23 and I don't even really like kids, but I like to think that maybe I'll be able to tolerate my own someday far, far into the future.]
9. Hey, I was browsing here on CL, saw your post, made me laugh and wonder if you're always this cynical??wow...
[Yes! This ad was supposed to be funny! Maybe I just have a really weird sense of humor.]
10. You seem to be a bit down on yourself! Or just over critical. I know whatthat's like trust me. Hang in there kiddo.
11. Lets light things on fire.
[Say...what?!]
Lessons Learned
1. Misery loves company. Miserable ads can attract miserable people.
2. Maybe guys like the whole damsel in distress thing?
3. Some people seem to be really supportive. Or maybe they just want to get in my pants.
4. I received more form e-mails and generic e-mails than usual (i.e. nothing but a link to a MySpace page or a request for my MySpace page). I have yet to figure out theories as to why.
5. I'm apparently possibly clinically depressed.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Free-Spirited Francine
I think most of us have a little bit of a free spirit in us. I decided to exaggerate my own free-spirited side a bit by writing the following ad, posted June 23, 2007. It's interesting to see what type of guys answer what type of ads and which guys reply to every single ad (some with the same form e-mail).
The Ad
Around the World in a Lifetime
Honestly, I don’t want anyone or anything too serious. If you’re all about getting married within the next five years, I’m not the girl for you. I’m nowhere near ready to settle down and get married. I don’t even want to consider having kids until at least ten years from now. I want to experience more of life before having to devote my own to some little creature. Yeah, I definitely have absolutely no desire for any of that unappealing nonsense right now. I want to see the pyramids along the Nile, watch the sunrise from a tropic isle, fly the ocean in a silver plane, see the jungle when it’s wet with rain, and whatever else is mentioned in that old song. I want some time to screw up my own life (and learn important lessons in the process, of course) before having to be responsible for others’ lives. I feel far from grown up, and I’m in no hurry to be a boring adult. In fact, I’m already sick of being an adult and having to take care of bills, insurance, car payments, student loan payments, and all that tedious stuff. If I weren’t so damn practical and fearful, I’d take off for Europe or Australia or some other English-speaking country for a couple of years with limited possessions and cash.
So why am I writing this ad, you wonder. I really like having a special someone with whom I feel I can connect. I’d like that special friend who tries to “get” me (he may never completely reach that point, but I hope he never wants to stop trying). I’d like someone who understands that I have a lot of maturing to do and who can mature with me. But who knows? Maybe we’ll never really mature, but we’ll just be ready to settle down someday. I want someone intelligent, educated, fun, spontaneous, athletic, and probably between the ages of 23 and 26. I want someone to converse about books, poetry, and/or philosophy with me while sitting at a café in France. I want someone to trek through the Amazon rainforest with me while discussing the new trend of being eco-savvy. I want someone to follow the ancient Silk Road in China with me while pondering the pros and cons of globalization and industrialization. I want someone to attend the next World Cup in South Africa with me and comment on how amazing it is that we’re sharing this exact event in this exact moment with people of all race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. all around the world. I want someone to sit with me and people-watch on all corners of Earth (including Austin; this place is great for people-watching) until we’re old, wrinkly, cranky, and gray. Maybe you’ll just be a good friend. Maybe you’ll be more. We’ll see. We have 3/4 of a lifetime ahead of us to figure everything out.
The Responses
Due to the nature of the ad, the responses were a bit more serious. Many are too long and in depth to paste onto this blog, so I'll include bits and pieces of some of the better ones.
1. Hmm, so you don't want anything serious, but you do want to spend the rest of your life traveling with me? So what counts as serious?
I am pretty picky, so I can't say for sure I'll like you, but you definitely have potential.
[Seriously? This is not the best way to get a girl's attention. "You might not be good enough for me, but you have potential."]
2. that was a crazy rant, but i love where your head is at ; )
[That wasn't really a rant...]
3. ...And yeah, the idea of kids or anything like that any time in the near future is a very scary thought...I recently hung out around a friend of mine and her husband and her baby who is not quite 1 year old yet...I accidentally taught the kid to say "hand grenade"....so...yeah...now is not the time I need to be thinking kids..lol.
[Random, but kind of cute.]
4. Wow. I should really move to Austin. I was just perusing some different CL sites for various cities and stumbled on to your ad. Can I just copy and paste this on to the Minneapolis forum and claim it's my own...Good luck to you. You've partially redeemed Bush's home state.
[Good thing I'm not a staunch Republican.]
5. One of the things about growing up is realizing you probably won't get to do all of the things you 've dreamed about. Your travel itineraries seem very romantic and ideal but do you know which are likely to happen...This sentence in your post was funny: "I'd take off for Europe or Australia or some other English-speaking country"Europe is not an english-speaking country.
[Gee, thanks. FYI, I've already done many things I've wanted to do. Also, Europe isn't a country. It's a continent. Poor wording on my part, but I meant Europe, Australia, and Other to be three separate entities.]
6. That's an interesting post. Well-written to be sure, and thought-full and provoking as well. It's nice to hear girls in Texas actually want to get out and experience something of a life outside of Texas.
[I hope he didn't assume that I'm originally from Texas.]
7. I'm ***, 34, English, newly arrived in Austin after seven years in theBahamas, Jamaica and Malawi, never married, no kids, living downtown,working for a consulting firm, income 100+, looking for someone to sharelife and adventures.
[Nice form e-mail. People who state their income do not get a response. Neither do most people in their thirties and up.]
8. Growing up is cruel huh? Screw it, you're right, there's plenty of time to pay for our "stuff" all through out our lives. Let's live it first.
[Right on!]
9. Great googly moogly, that is the best post I have ever read on here. I posted something similar today, in fact, if you want to read more about me...
[Thanks!]
Lessons Learned
Hmm, this one was tough. I suppose I already knew that a lot of other people out there want to travel. I guess I learned that there are lots of people out there who can identify with me. Also, the cute guys never respond back after I e-mail them.
The Ad
Around the World in a Lifetime
Honestly, I don’t want anyone or anything too serious. If you’re all about getting married within the next five years, I’m not the girl for you. I’m nowhere near ready to settle down and get married. I don’t even want to consider having kids until at least ten years from now. I want to experience more of life before having to devote my own to some little creature. Yeah, I definitely have absolutely no desire for any of that unappealing nonsense right now. I want to see the pyramids along the Nile, watch the sunrise from a tropic isle, fly the ocean in a silver plane, see the jungle when it’s wet with rain, and whatever else is mentioned in that old song. I want some time to screw up my own life (and learn important lessons in the process, of course) before having to be responsible for others’ lives. I feel far from grown up, and I’m in no hurry to be a boring adult. In fact, I’m already sick of being an adult and having to take care of bills, insurance, car payments, student loan payments, and all that tedious stuff. If I weren’t so damn practical and fearful, I’d take off for Europe or Australia or some other English-speaking country for a couple of years with limited possessions and cash.
So why am I writing this ad, you wonder. I really like having a special someone with whom I feel I can connect. I’d like that special friend who tries to “get” me (he may never completely reach that point, but I hope he never wants to stop trying). I’d like someone who understands that I have a lot of maturing to do and who can mature with me. But who knows? Maybe we’ll never really mature, but we’ll just be ready to settle down someday. I want someone intelligent, educated, fun, spontaneous, athletic, and probably between the ages of 23 and 26. I want someone to converse about books, poetry, and/or philosophy with me while sitting at a café in France. I want someone to trek through the Amazon rainforest with me while discussing the new trend of being eco-savvy. I want someone to follow the ancient Silk Road in China with me while pondering the pros and cons of globalization and industrialization. I want someone to attend the next World Cup in South Africa with me and comment on how amazing it is that we’re sharing this exact event in this exact moment with people of all race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. all around the world. I want someone to sit with me and people-watch on all corners of Earth (including Austin; this place is great for people-watching) until we’re old, wrinkly, cranky, and gray. Maybe you’ll just be a good friend. Maybe you’ll be more. We’ll see. We have 3/4 of a lifetime ahead of us to figure everything out.
The Responses
Due to the nature of the ad, the responses were a bit more serious. Many are too long and in depth to paste onto this blog, so I'll include bits and pieces of some of the better ones.
1. Hmm, so you don't want anything serious, but you do want to spend the rest of your life traveling with me? So what counts as serious?
I am pretty picky, so I can't say for sure I'll like you, but you definitely have potential.
[Seriously? This is not the best way to get a girl's attention. "You might not be good enough for me, but you have potential."]
2. that was a crazy rant, but i love where your head is at ; )
[That wasn't really a rant...]
3. ...And yeah, the idea of kids or anything like that any time in the near future is a very scary thought...I recently hung out around a friend of mine and her husband and her baby who is not quite 1 year old yet...I accidentally taught the kid to say "hand grenade"....so...yeah...now is not the time I need to be thinking kids..lol.
[Random, but kind of cute.]
4. Wow. I should really move to Austin. I was just perusing some different CL sites for various cities and stumbled on to your ad. Can I just copy and paste this on to the Minneapolis forum and claim it's my own...Good luck to you. You've partially redeemed Bush's home state.
[Good thing I'm not a staunch Republican.]
5. One of the things about growing up is realizing you probably won't get to do all of the things you 've dreamed about. Your travel itineraries seem very romantic and ideal but do you know which are likely to happen...This sentence in your post was funny: "I'd take off for Europe or Australia or some other English-speaking country"Europe is not an english-speaking country.
[Gee, thanks. FYI, I've already done many things I've wanted to do. Also, Europe isn't a country. It's a continent. Poor wording on my part, but I meant Europe, Australia, and Other to be three separate entities.]
6. That's an interesting post. Well-written to be sure, and thought-full and provoking as well. It's nice to hear girls in Texas actually want to get out and experience something of a life outside of Texas.
[I hope he didn't assume that I'm originally from Texas.]
7. I'm ***, 34, English, newly arrived in Austin after seven years in theBahamas, Jamaica and Malawi, never married, no kids, living downtown,working for a consulting firm, income 100+, looking for someone to sharelife and adventures.
[Nice form e-mail. People who state their income do not get a response. Neither do most people in their thirties and up.]
8. Growing up is cruel huh? Screw it, you're right, there's plenty of time to pay for our "stuff" all through out our lives. Let's live it first.
[Right on!]
9. Great googly moogly, that is the best post I have ever read on here. I posted something similar today, in fact, if you want to read more about me...
[Thanks!]
Lessons Learned
Hmm, this one was tough. I suppose I already knew that a lot of other people out there want to travel. I guess I learned that there are lots of people out there who can identify with me. Also, the cute guys never respond back after I e-mail them.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Sorority Snob Suzie
I wrote an ad greatly exaggerating my college sorority experience while adding a hint of truth. I also had to do a little research to remember the proper jargon. Posted July 29, 2007.
The Ad
Former Sorostitute Seeks Former Frat Daddy
You know who you are. You and your brothers wore the pastel polo shirts with popped collars (circa 2004) at the popular campus bars while all the other non-frat guys (or GDIs) thought you were unoriginal tools. You attended TGs like G.I. Joes and Army Hoes or Secs and Execs. Maybe you play lacrosse or golf. You're definitely clean cut.
Anyway, a year ago, I moved down to Austin from some place up north. My current lifestyle placed me amongst the hippie and hipster crowds. Of course, they all think I'm weird. I sit there thinking, "You assume I'm weird, but you're the ones eating things like quinoa cookies and bulgur wheat every day." Needless to say, I'm neither vegan nor vegetarian, though I do eat bulgur wheat on occasion. Though it's awesome meeting, befriending, and hanging out with people so different than myself, it would be nice having some friends who were more like my former crowd. Basically, I feel like I do my part in keeping Austin weird by being normal according to Yankee standards.
I'm not your stereotypical blonde, ditzy, spoiled, wealthy, snobby sorority girl. I'm not even White. I attended college on a full scholarship because of my intellect. I have a fancy degree from a school with a top-five program for that degree. In college, I worked two part-time jobs in order to pay for sorority dues, exotic spring and summer break vacations, and my shopping habits. I did, however, rock the polo shirts (Ralph Lauren or Lacoste, of course), pearls, North Face jacket, white gold hoop earrings, Greek Week t-shirts, large-framed designer sunglasses, etc.
Despite how much of this sounds, I really have matured since college. Well, I no longer start partying on Wednesday nights (Liquid Dope Night AND Fishbowl Night!). I have a full-time job. I've embraced my intellectual side a bit more. I manage my finances better. I have all different kinds of friends. I'm more open-minded. I've adapted to Texas.
If interested, e-mail me to reminisce about old college days, make plans to meet up for coffee or beer, and/or find out how much of this was posted in jest. Just be over 23 and under 28 (I don't date men who are too much older). Please, no more tatted up musicians by night or hippies whose hair and facial hair make them resemble cartoon Jesuses. Now that I may have managed to insult half of Austin, I'll shut up.
The Responses
1. Oh damn girl. Just damn. Your post is just so poetic, it made me weep.
We are in the same boat. I just moved here a month ago or so. I graduated last year from a school up in the North and have not found anyone with the same style. I've met some awesome hippy/hipsters, but we're just too different. To be honest, it's not that we dont have shit loads in common, its just they cant get over the fact that i used to pop my collars (yes plural collars, i'm not sure which "Frats" you hung out with but they were for sure inadequate with their single collars). I might like the same movies, music, activities... but since I dress like a country club man whore then I'm automatically a player and weird...
2. lol... you sounds cool, but I'm both a tatted musician and have facial hair like a hippy :P
3. that was hilarious. I honey I am home. You go girl
4. Your post is too funny/intelligent/witty/sly//ironic/sarcastic/original for it not to be almost completely a joke - right? Except for the hippy/Jesus part…
5. you suck
why don't you move to Illinois or Arkansas, you'd fit in there a lot better
[Arkansas? Really? Why didn't he tell me to move to New England? That's where most of the preps are.]
6. Sorostitute....haha...I say that all the time. Your undergrad was in business wasn't it? Let me preface by apologizing profusely for grammar mistakes :) The polo look is deplorable...
7. Lol you did do a good job of insulting Austin, but that's okay because everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
8. ok whats up ??? I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight and hey I'd gladly give up celibacy to be with you haha so whts up what are you doing?
Lessons Learned
1. Some people get the satire!
2. There actually are preppy people in Austin!
3. I met one of the guys who answered this ad. I didn't realize he was married until a week or so after I met him. Shady.
4. Arkansas is preppy. It's the South's equivalent to Martha's Vineyard or something. Illinois is the Midwest's equivalent.
The Ad
Former Sorostitute Seeks Former Frat Daddy
You know who you are. You and your brothers wore the pastel polo shirts with popped collars (circa 2004) at the popular campus bars while all the other non-frat guys (or GDIs) thought you were unoriginal tools. You attended TGs like G.I. Joes and Army Hoes or Secs and Execs. Maybe you play lacrosse or golf. You're definitely clean cut.
Anyway, a year ago, I moved down to Austin from some place up north. My current lifestyle placed me amongst the hippie and hipster crowds. Of course, they all think I'm weird. I sit there thinking, "You assume I'm weird, but you're the ones eating things like quinoa cookies and bulgur wheat every day." Needless to say, I'm neither vegan nor vegetarian, though I do eat bulgur wheat on occasion. Though it's awesome meeting, befriending, and hanging out with people so different than myself, it would be nice having some friends who were more like my former crowd. Basically, I feel like I do my part in keeping Austin weird by being normal according to Yankee standards.
I'm not your stereotypical blonde, ditzy, spoiled, wealthy, snobby sorority girl. I'm not even White. I attended college on a full scholarship because of my intellect. I have a fancy degree from a school with a top-five program for that degree. In college, I worked two part-time jobs in order to pay for sorority dues, exotic spring and summer break vacations, and my shopping habits. I did, however, rock the polo shirts (Ralph Lauren or Lacoste, of course), pearls, North Face jacket, white gold hoop earrings, Greek Week t-shirts, large-framed designer sunglasses, etc.
Despite how much of this sounds, I really have matured since college. Well, I no longer start partying on Wednesday nights (Liquid Dope Night AND Fishbowl Night!). I have a full-time job. I've embraced my intellectual side a bit more. I manage my finances better. I have all different kinds of friends. I'm more open-minded. I've adapted to Texas.
If interested, e-mail me to reminisce about old college days, make plans to meet up for coffee or beer, and/or find out how much of this was posted in jest. Just be over 23 and under 28 (I don't date men who are too much older). Please, no more tatted up musicians by night or hippies whose hair and facial hair make them resemble cartoon Jesuses. Now that I may have managed to insult half of Austin, I'll shut up.
The Responses
1. Oh damn girl. Just damn. Your post is just so poetic, it made me weep.
We are in the same boat. I just moved here a month ago or so. I graduated last year from a school up in the North and have not found anyone with the same style. I've met some awesome hippy/hipsters, but we're just too different. To be honest, it's not that we dont have shit loads in common, its just they cant get over the fact that i used to pop my collars (yes plural collars, i'm not sure which "Frats" you hung out with but they were for sure inadequate with their single collars). I might like the same movies, music, activities... but since I dress like a country club man whore then I'm automatically a player and weird...
2. lol... you sounds cool, but I'm both a tatted musician and have facial hair like a hippy :P
3. that was hilarious. I honey I am home. You go girl
4. Your post is too funny/intelligent/witty/sly//ironic/sarcastic/original for it not to be almost completely a joke - right? Except for the hippy/Jesus part…
5. you suck
why don't you move to Illinois or Arkansas, you'd fit in there a lot better
[Arkansas? Really? Why didn't he tell me to move to New England? That's where most of the preps are.]
6. Sorostitute....haha...I say that all the time. Your undergrad was in business wasn't it? Let me preface by apologizing profusely for grammar mistakes :) The polo look is deplorable...
7. Lol you did do a good job of insulting Austin, but that's okay because everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
8. ok whats up ??? I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight and hey I'd gladly give up celibacy to be with you haha so whts up what are you doing?
Lessons Learned
1. Some people get the satire!
2. There actually are preppy people in Austin!
3. I met one of the guys who answered this ad. I didn't realize he was married until a week or so after I met him. Shady.
4. Arkansas is preppy. It's the South's equivalent to Martha's Vineyard or something. Illinois is the Midwest's equivalent.
Massimo: Old Guy Seeks Young Ass
I'm generally going to post ads that I've written and their responses, but I received the following response for several of my ads. It's worthy of its own post. My reaction: LOL, EWW!
The Response
Hello beautiful young girl . . .. i hope that every things is ok with you as is my pleasure to contact you after viewing your profile in craigslist which really interest me in having communication with you dear .??.
My name is Massimo and I'm Italian in Austin . 47yo , never been married and looking for princess to share all the wonderful things of life .. I'm very nice , successful , romantic , traveler , good sense of homer honest , naturally happy person and full of love and tenderness . I'm financially secure and i live in my condo on the hill with private pool . .. all I'm trying to say that I'm not looking for woman who take care of me .
I just broke up with my 21 yo girlfriend Amber . WHY.??. because she still dancing in sugar's ( gentleman club ) and I really do not like that she sit on man's leg every ten minute so we have lot's of pictures together and those are a newest pictures I have to e-mail you to see me . please do not pay attention to her picture . I took back BMW 740 il which I bought for her and now this car is free and ready for you to drive it .. serious ..
So if you are lonely and tired to pay bills and would you like to travel to Europe and around country , if you like to get new job and work few hours a day and dress up like super models and if you like beach and weekend trip , if you like to live as princess for the rest of life and never worry for tomorrow and future and if you like to see fashion show and have great time AND if you think difference ages is no matter to you and will not play a big rules in our future relationship and if sounds really good to you so please e-mail me at (*Deleted) with pictures and more details about yourself . I'm ready to open door to new world and new life for you and present to you happiness and love and I'm ready to make change your winter to spring so my dear I'm real and I'm ready to meet you soon and I would like to hear from you soon . I will e-mail you my pictures with next mail because there is no enough space to send you with this mail so my dear keep smiling and be happy .. .. . Thousands rosessssssss to you
Massimo
The Response
Hello beautiful young girl . . .. i hope that every things is ok with you as is my pleasure to contact you after viewing your profile in craigslist which really interest me in having communication with you dear .??.
My name is Massimo and I'm Italian in Austin . 47yo , never been married and looking for princess to share all the wonderful things of life .. I'm very nice , successful , romantic , traveler , good sense of homer honest , naturally happy person and full of love and tenderness . I'm financially secure and i live in my condo on the hill with private pool . .. all I'm trying to say that I'm not looking for woman who take care of me .
I just broke up with my 21 yo girlfriend Amber . WHY.??. because she still dancing in sugar's ( gentleman club ) and I really do not like that she sit on man's leg every ten minute so we have lot's of pictures together and those are a newest pictures I have to e-mail you to see me . please do not pay attention to her picture . I took back BMW 740 il which I bought for her and now this car is free and ready for you to drive it .. serious ..
So if you are lonely and tired to pay bills and would you like to travel to Europe and around country , if you like to get new job and work few hours a day and dress up like super models and if you like beach and weekend trip , if you like to live as princess for the rest of life and never worry for tomorrow and future and if you like to see fashion show and have great time AND if you think difference ages is no matter to you and will not play a big rules in our future relationship and if sounds really good to you so please e-mail me at (*Deleted) with pictures and more details about yourself . I'm ready to open door to new world and new life for you and present to you happiness and love and I'm ready to make change your winter to spring so my dear I'm real and I'm ready to meet you soon and I would like to hear from you soon . I will e-mail you my pictures with next mail because there is no enough space to send you with this mail so my dear keep smiling and be happy .. .. . Thousands rosessssssss to you
Massimo
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Introduction and Hydrophobic Heather
Introduction
I'm an aspiring sociologist and wannabe writer. Since I appear to be perpetually single, I decided to use the personals section of craigslist.org as my medium of choice. It's a great community in which I can research and write (and possibly meet interesting people). This blog will document some of my personal ads as well as some of the better responses I received from those ads and lessons I have learned.
I started writing personal ads around November 2006 because I was new to Austin and wanted to meet new people. Since then, I've written probably a couple dozen ads--some serious, some obscure, some generic, some outlandish. Some were written with friends, and others were written by myself. Since I feel guilty leading people on, most of the ads do have at least a hint of the truth. The other ads are obviously fake. And yes, I've met a few of the people who have answered my ads.
Let's start with an outlandish ad, posted in the Austin section on April 13, 2007.
The Ad: Hydrophobic Heather
Beautiful and Eccentric
I'm 24, college educated, and successful. My hobbies include photography, piano, and poetry. I love wildflowers, live music, and martinis. I'm looking for a man between 24 and 35. You must be smart and funny. A college degree is a plus.
There is one catch. I have recently developed a fear of water. I'm deathly afraid of it. I haven't been able to bathe in the past 6 months, so body odor can't be too much of a problem for you. I can't go across bridges. I can't be anywhere near a large body of water. All I drink is Diet Dr. Pepper and Gatorade because I can't drink water. I'm also terrified of the rain. *
*We found a picture of a random pretty girl on Google and attached her picture.
The Responses
1. how bad is the b.o.? is it like a bag of chili cheese fritos left in the heat, or is it more like socks left in a gym bag for a month? so i guess we couldnt watch the movie open water together?
2. I think your kind of strange but hot. I hope your kidding about thewater thing because I think we have a lot in common. I too a, successfuland good looking.
3. Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. Something tells me that you're probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys saying things like "Hi, I'm freshly divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids... but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job..." etc.In any event, I'm 33, have my life together, and I'm more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you'd better like to laugh. You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let's get together for a cup of something delicious and some interesting conversation... if you think you can handle it, that is!
4. you are eccentric!! what kind of human does not bathe for 6 months?
5. Why would someone as cute as you be afraid of the water?
6. How do you go to the bathroom? Clearly there is a pool of water sitting within feet of where you are reading this. Terrifying! How do you... deal with that situation?
7. Well there girlie...its gonna rain tonight...do you need some company?
8. My name is *****. I am 37, 5'8", andweigh about 175. I bike and hike so I am in prettygood shape but no six pack abs. I am highly educatedand well traveled. I have even been to the North Pole.You won't be disappointed. Interested? Please replywith a pic. thanks
p.s. I look and act much younger than I am.
9. Minor details……does that fear extend to saliva and urine?
10. How do you brush your teeth? You could bathe in Gatorade…I would suggest lemon lime or mountain rush...
Lessons Learned:
1. As long as you're hot, nobody cares how eccentric you are.
2. Outlandish posts get flagged and deleted within hours.
3. Some people don't get satire.
I'm an aspiring sociologist and wannabe writer. Since I appear to be perpetually single, I decided to use the personals section of craigslist.org as my medium of choice. It's a great community in which I can research and write (and possibly meet interesting people). This blog will document some of my personal ads as well as some of the better responses I received from those ads and lessons I have learned.
I started writing personal ads around November 2006 because I was new to Austin and wanted to meet new people. Since then, I've written probably a couple dozen ads--some serious, some obscure, some generic, some outlandish. Some were written with friends, and others were written by myself. Since I feel guilty leading people on, most of the ads do have at least a hint of the truth. The other ads are obviously fake. And yes, I've met a few of the people who have answered my ads.
Let's start with an outlandish ad, posted in the Austin section on April 13, 2007.
The Ad: Hydrophobic Heather
Beautiful and Eccentric
I'm 24, college educated, and successful. My hobbies include photography, piano, and poetry. I love wildflowers, live music, and martinis. I'm looking for a man between 24 and 35. You must be smart and funny. A college degree is a plus.
There is one catch. I have recently developed a fear of water. I'm deathly afraid of it. I haven't been able to bathe in the past 6 months, so body odor can't be too much of a problem for you. I can't go across bridges. I can't be anywhere near a large body of water. All I drink is Diet Dr. Pepper and Gatorade because I can't drink water. I'm also terrified of the rain. *
*We found a picture of a random pretty girl on Google and attached her picture.
The Responses
1. how bad is the b.o.? is it like a bag of chili cheese fritos left in the heat, or is it more like socks left in a gym bag for a month? so i guess we couldnt watch the movie open water together?
2. I think your kind of strange but hot. I hope your kidding about thewater thing because I think we have a lot in common. I too a, successfuland good looking.
3. Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. Something tells me that you're probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys saying things like "Hi, I'm freshly divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids... but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job..." etc.In any event, I'm 33, have my life together, and I'm more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you'd better like to laugh. You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let's get together for a cup of something delicious and some interesting conversation... if you think you can handle it, that is!
4. you are eccentric!! what kind of human does not bathe for 6 months?
5. Why would someone as cute as you be afraid of the water?
6. How do you go to the bathroom? Clearly there is a pool of water sitting within feet of where you are reading this. Terrifying! How do you... deal with that situation?
7. Well there girlie...its gonna rain tonight...do you need some company?
8. My name is *****. I am 37, 5'8", andweigh about 175. I bike and hike so I am in prettygood shape but no six pack abs. I am highly educatedand well traveled. I have even been to the North Pole.You won't be disappointed. Interested? Please replywith a pic. thanks
p.s. I look and act much younger than I am.
9. Minor details……does that fear extend to saliva and urine?
10. How do you brush your teeth? You could bathe in Gatorade…I would suggest lemon lime or mountain rush...
Lessons Learned:
1. As long as you're hot, nobody cares how eccentric you are.
2. Outlandish posts get flagged and deleted within hours.
3. Some people don't get satire.
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